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The CARDIACS Purity Test

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes". The "submit" and "reset" buttons are at the bottom.
Good luck...

Seeing CARDIACS

1. Have you ever seen The Cardiacs?
2. Have you seen Cardiacs on video?
3. --Have you ever been to Cardiacs more than 5 times?
4. -- More than 10 times?
5. -- More than 50 times?
6. -- More than 100 times?
7. -- More than 250 times? (yes, some people have!)
8. Have you been to Cardiacs in more than one different venue?
9. -- More than three venues?
10. -- More than ten venues?
11. Have you been to Cardiacs in more than one different country?
12. Have you seen the original Cardiacs lineup?
13. Have you brought more than three people to Cardiacs as "first timers"?
14. -- More than ten?
15. Have you taken either of your parents to Cardiacs?
16. Have you tried to explain what Cardiacs are to your parents?
17. Have you gone to Cardiacs drunk?
18. Have you gone to Cardiacs stoned?
19. Have you gone to Cardiacs on acid?
20. Have you been sick at Cardiacs? (thrown up)

    Obsession

21. Have you considered yourself a 'Cardiacs junkie'?
22. Have you stayed up for more than 48 hours without sleep during a Cardiacs tour?
23. Have you felt guilty for going to something other than Cardiacs when you had the opportunity?
24. Have you been disowned by family and/or friends because of Cardiacs?
25. Have you been dumped by a girlfriend / boyfriend because of Cardiacs? ("It's me or them"...)
26. Have you been kicked out of your home because of something Cardiacs related?
27. Have you told yourself at Cardiacs "I need to get a life"?
28. Have you told everyone else at Cardiacs "I need to get a life"?
29. Have you said you would "leave" Cardiacs forever?
30. -- And come back to the fold?
31. -- The next week?
32. -- Within a month?
33. Have you gone to Cardiacs but sat out in the lobby or car park during the entire show?
34. Have you ever bought a record or CD just because one of the Cardiacs was playing on it?
35. Have you met any of the Cardiacs?
36. Are you a member of an Official Cardiacs Fan Club? (The Family, or the Pond)

    Audience Participation

37. Have you created your own heckle? ("jim jim jim" does NOT count)
38. -- And have people laugh at it?
39. -- Hear someone else yell it at a later date?
40. -- Hear someone else yell it in a different city?
41. Has an audience member asked you to be quiet since they're trying to listen to the band?
42. Has an audience member complained to management that you were being 'loud and obnoxious'?
43. Have you been booed by the audience because of a particularly rude line?
44. Have you been physically assaulted by an audience member because of a line?
45. Has a member of Cardiacs threatened you for yelling a particular line? (e.g. "Jim Jim Jim")
46. Have you yelled Cardiacs-type lines in a venue during a different band?

    Having "fun" at Cardiacs concerts

47. Have either of your parents shown up at Cardiacs without you knowing about it?
48. Have you accidentally injured yourself while dancing? (sprained ankles, broken bones, etc.)
49. Have you danced while pregnant or injured?
50. Have you taken a 'Road Trip' with other fans to see Cardiacs perform in another city?
51. -- In another country?

    CARDIACS relations

52. Have you done something totally unrelated to Cardiacs with most or all of the Cardiacs group?
53. -- During daylight hours?
54. Have you dated a CARDIACS member for more than three months?
55. -- More than a year?
56. -- And was faithful?
57. Have you been married to a CARDIACS member?
58. -- Did you get married AT Cardiacs?
59. -- And since got divorced?
60. Have you taken The Cardiacs Purity Test as part of a bet?
61. Have you been involved in a 'Truth or Dare' game with other CARDIACS members?

    SEX!!!

62. Have you been involved in 'Strip Poker' or other stripping game with other CARDIACS members?
63. -- And lost?
64. Have you watched a porn film with other CARDIACS members?
65. -- And had it lead to something?
66. Have you ever picked someone up at Cardiacs?
67. Have you been picked up by someone at Cardiacs?
68. Have you been propositioned by someone you met at Cardiacs?
69. Did you lose your virginity to someone you met at Cardiacs?
70. Have you had sex during Cardiacs?
71. Have you ever had sex with a 'CARDIACS member'?
72. -- More than three?
73. -- More than ten?
74. -- At the same time?
75. Have you got a STD from a CARDIACS member? (STD: Sexually Transmitted Disease)
76. Have you given a STD to a CARDIACS member?

    Cardiacs: Old school.....

77. Do you know what colour Tims favourite guitar used to be?
78. Do you remember CARDIACS in brightly coloured jumpsuits?
79. Did you see CARDIACS get "Canned Off" at Hammersmith Odeon (with Marillion)?
80. Were you ever rudely insulted because of your Cardiacs attire? (For older, really sad fans)
81. -- Praised by 'normals' because of it?
82. -- Been physically assaulted because of it?
83. Have you gone into a convenience store while wearing your Cardiacs makeup and costume?
84. -- And recieved compliments from the counter assistant?
85. Have you been pulled over by a police officer while wearing your Cardiacs makeup and costume?

    Possessions

86. Do you own a Cardiacs related album?
87. Do you own any Cardiacs t-shirts?
88. -- Posters?
89. -- Badges?
90. -- Fanzines?
91. Do you own any Cardiacs recordings on vinyl?
92. -- Audio tape?
93. -- Compact disc?
94. -- Any non-English CARDIACS pressings? ( Dutch, Spanish etc.)
95. Do you own any Cardiacs bootlegs? (Rude Bootleg LP doesn't count)
96. Do you own "Bus for a Bus on the Bus"?
97. Do you own the "Seaside Treats" video?
98. Do you own the entire back-catalogue, on ALL formats ?(CD,Vinyl,Tape,Video)
99. Did you buy the complete set of re-issue CDs last year?
100. Is your name John Daniel?

      

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History

This test was shamelessly altered from its original guise as the "Rocky Horror Show Purity Test"
Many thanx to the people at the Purity Tests server, which allowed me to add automatic scoring of the test. As far as actual updating of the test goes, I organized the questions into some sub-sections, in a vain attempt to make it a little easier to understand.